Practicing Presence: The Key to Personal Growth and Pleasure
As a life coach, I often find myself reflecting on the fundamental principles that guide my practice and interactions with clients. The first of my five core values is “Practicing Presence.” I describe this as the art of “being aware of what’s real for me, right now.”
I thought I’d take a moment to expound on why this is a value for me — as a coach, parent, partner and human — and how it becomes supremely important with the clients I coach.
In a world of distractions and shiny, sparkling objects… presence is a powerful tool for personal growth and self-discovery.
Jen’s Story: From Dissociated Dancer to Powerfully Present Coach
My journey into mindfulness began during my college years. I had a background in dance but I didn’t want to continue dancing competitively. I was burned out, but my body needed to keep moving. I started exploring yoga and meditation, seeking solace and quiet amidst the chaos of new roommates, academic and social pressures.
Through those practices, I began to cultivate a deeper awareness of my thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. This was pretty mind-blowing for me. As a competitive team-based dancer since I was 6, I was trained to do the opposite. If I felt a sensation that told me to stop or slow down… I practiced pushing through the pain — nail that kick! Get into those splits! When you dance on a team, you fake it when you need to. It’s not about artistry — it’s about technique, precision, and how tightly you dance as a team.
Suffice it to say I was very well-trained in ignoring my body’s signals. Quite honestly, I felt numbness. In exploring this new highly individual activity, I found myself becoming slowly able to listen to myself with each mindful breath and intentional movement.
This really felt like “hard work” — they don’t call it ‘a practice’ for nothing. It felt like learning a foreign language. The dialogue coming from my body and mind sounded beautiful and strange. I started to feel more grounded, and just couldn’t get enough of that feeling. Finally feeling that mindful connection with my body was intoxicating. I continued to practice acknowledging and respecting what was really there. The impact of that work came slowly (but surely), and continue to come today.
Mindful Awareness: A Skill that Can Be Learned
A small but profound example of presence from my life today is mindful eating.
Consider the act of eating an apple. I’m often rushing through meals without fully savoring the experience, but when I slow down and deepen into the experience it’s incredible what I can find. Imagine taking a bite of a crisp apple, feeling its texture against your lips, tasting its sweetness on your tongue, and noticing the subtle sensations as you chew and swallow.
In this simple act of mindful eating, you can experience a profound sense of connection to the present moment. It’s hard to dwell on the past or worry about the future when you’re focused on the experience of eating an apple.
I did a photoshoot while I was living in Mexico last year, and the photographer and I took a lunch break under a tree. It felt so good to “turn off” for a moment from the anxiety of having my photograph taken. I pulled out an apple and practiced mindful eating. The photographer captured the moment.
In reviewing these images - raw, unedited - what do you notice?
Why Presence Matters (So Much)
It’s a Prerequisite for Pleasure
To take this apple example to the next level…. I like to see if I can let the apple light me up inside. Can I really let myself delight in the deliciousness? In other words… I try to let the apple turn me on. Yes, I said that.
The simple act of eating the apple can now give me the chills, create butterflies in my stomach, and activate my senses. It’s like feeling ‘turned on’. Take a look at the images above. This is a visual example of the difference between eating an apple for nutrition, versus to eating an apple and delighting in the pleasure of it. This is what it looks like to be turned on by eating an apple.
Imagine mastering that with food… and then extending those skills into the bedroom?! To say my sexual satisfaction has increased with my mindfulness practice is an understatement.
Turns out, many people (including me) need practice “allowing pleasure” into their life. It’s hard to feel happy professionally if you don’t get any joy from work. It’s hard to feel sexually satisfied, if you don’t have practice letting things just feel good. Imagine going to a comedy show and genuinely finding something funny, but being physically unable to smile and laugh. A stunted experience that sounds like!
Maybe it’s from the years of Catholic school guilt piled high, or the repression I learned from dance… but whatever caused it, I’m positive now that pleasure is also something that can be learned. When you practice presence you can access deeper pleasure. (Yes, pleasure is another core value — more on that later).
It’s Fundamental to Personal Growth
Presence is not about escaping reality or avoiding difficult emotions; rather, it is about being intimate with yourself and your surroundings. Almost neutral in flavor, it’s the simple awareness of whatever arises, whether it be joy, sadness, uncertainty, etc. It’s not ‘meaning making’ or judgmental.
By cultivating presence, we are more capable of answering life’s hardest question: “what do I want?”
In coaching, this is the hardest question for my clients to answer.
Why? Because it requires really getting to know oneself deeply, listening to oneself, and being brave enough to name your desires aloud. That’s why mindfulness practices become invaluable tools for faster growth in coaching. These practices help regulate the nervous system and anchor us in the here and now, so we can see ourselves more clearly. It could be a formal meditation session, a moment of mindful breathing amidst a hectic day, mindful movement, or mindful eating…. each moment of presence is an opportunity to learn more about yourself. This is key to personal growth.
There’s a reason why I started my professional coach training at the Mindfulness Coaching School, after 15 years of dedicated meditation practice.
There’s a reason why mindful awareness it’s a fundamental piece of the book The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. In this 1992 self-help book by American author Julia Cameron, the book helps people with artistic creative recovery. So many of the exercises focus on getting creatives to see the reality within them. To be present with what is. To cultivate deep awareness and inner-knowing which results in authentic artistic expression.
Presence: My #1 Core Value for Coaching
In my work as a life coach, I am passionate about helping my clients cultivate presence as a pathway to unlock their full potential and live full, honest expressions of their lives. In coaching sessions, we start with a short grounding exercise (1-3 minutes) to help cultivate self-awareness and expansion. I do this for business coaching, career coaching, relationship coaching, communication coaching… really, for any coaching session, this is how we begin.
Presence is not just a state of being; it is a way of living with intention, awareness, and authenticity. By embracing presence in our daily lives, we can cultivate a deeper sense of fulfillment, connection, and joy. This is what we crave.
I invite you to take a moment right now to sloooow down 🐢, pause, breathe, and ask yourself (even say this aloud) “Can I be aware of what’s real for me, right now?” Listen to what comes up.
Notice that from this place, so much more is possible. ✨
